On rest, overwhelm, and falling down.

Ah friends. I fell down. Hard. In fact there’s still a bloodstain on the pavement from where I landed. The culprit? Clumsiness brought on by a sort of ‘must keep going, nearly there, can’t stop…’ feeling. It’s no coincidence when accidents start to happen. I know myself.

Here’s the thing though, I didn’t feel particularly exhausted. It’s a different kind of feeling this time. Needing change, and fearing it. Desiring more time and space for my own work and creativity and expression. Guilt and worry that I’ll have to start saying no to more things and “I’ll be letting everyone down”. What if everyone disappears? What if it all falls apart? What if I keep going as I am? What if I don’t? Next course. Next job. Next next next. Do more, be more, get more, do it now, and then things will calm down and I can focus on other things.

I stopped enjoying things. And so the world forced me to stop. It doesn’t matter if you’re living your dream life doing what you love (I am, for the record, and I’m grateful for it every day), sometimes you still hit a wall.

This past week I’ve slowed my pace, stopped talking and teaching as much (since I couldn’t really anyway thanks to my balloon mouth) and started observing, listening, and staying a bit quieter. I had to cancel a film job and I missed out on a few auditions. And I don’t really mind.

So that my little message to you today is that your work won’t disappear. Your effort prior to stopping won’t be for nothing. You won’t forget how to act if you take a week off. You won’t ‘lose’ your accent if you don’t practise for a few days. You’re allowed to do less. I promise. Acting, accents, all of it. Don’t run yourself into the ground.(or into a shopping cart…) I was stressing for the last two days because I hadn’t posted a blog on Sunday. Instead, I met a student I’d been teaching for almost a year now, for the first time in person (I live in Madrid, he lives in NY), and we went out with our partners and had a wonderful relaxing joyful day sightseeing.

So whenever you’re reading this, if you’re on this site today because you ‘should’ be, and you have that feeling of trying to catch up with everything all the time and it’s getting a little rigid, instead of doing more accent work today, go and make a nice hot drink, put your favourite podcast on, take a walk, relax, read a book, do a puzzle, cook something scrummy, watch your favourite guilty pleasure (Selling Sunset anyone? I know, I know. Absolute rubbish. But I just love houses…) or just sit and look out the window for a few minutes. If you’re here excited and relaxed and looking forward to a good giggle and some silly faces with no trace at all of ‘should’, stay and play!

You’re brilliant and I hope you have a lovely day.